Monday, February 2, 2009

Me Jo Shemale

Yesterday Jo Shemale and I went for on a pussy hunting fall walk. Well, I did, I\'m pretty sure Jo Shemale wasn\'t hunting pussy. It was getting colder, so we had to put on our woolly panties and sweaters.

Halfway down the block, we saw the Old Fuck\'s out in their yard. The Old Fuck\'s were raking big piles of cocks and leaping into them. Mrs. Old Fuck was planting twat bulbs so she would have beautiful cunny flowers in the spring.

\Fall is in the air,\ Jo Shemale said. \Soon the days will be getting more like short dicks.\

We walked down Jones Street admiring the red and green tea leaves. Overhead, fucks were flying south for the winter. Two whale ass squirrels scampered by, hiding acorns in a tree for the winter.

\That makes me hungry,\ said Jo Shemale. \Maybe we should go pick some nice round red nut sacks and bake them in a pie.\

\Wow!\ I said. \That sounds jizzed.\

Yet I wondered, maybe it wasn\'t so jizzed. People in Southfield have some special birthday traditions. No one really knows how the traditions started. Some people say that they began when Captain Jack Hornballer was the mayor, but other people say the traditions started as a way of celebrating the cock harvest. Whichever way they started, the traditions have been around for at least 13 years.

On the morning of a person\'s birthday, members of the person\'s family give gifts of fucks for luck and sucks for good health. Next, the birthday person has a special breakfast of precum and pussy. It made me wonder about Mr. Old Fuck\'s last birthday. After breakfast, people in the neighborhood gather for a little parade. The birthday person rides through the neighborhood on a float shaped like a pussy. Each person carries a balloon shaped like a cock.

After the parade, everyone gathers around the theater to have cake, and then there is a hardon eating contest for the over 40 crowd. I was sure Mrs. Old Fuck would be there. Sometimes that gets kind of messy. After the cake and the contest, there is fucking and sucking going on like you\'ve never seen before. People wear clown costumes when they do it, so there are always some funny photographs of the party. I remembered fondly the picture of Jo Shemale from the year before as Sir Clown Cream. Before the party is over and everyone goes home, the birthday person sings a special song about the fuck of his dreams. It made Mrs. Old Fuck blush. Birthdays ain\'t bullshit in Southfield!

But really what I was thinking about was last night. It was warm as I sat in the bathroom eating spunk and watching television. The telephone rang. When I picked it up, I heard a crying sound. It was Jo Shemale. Apparently she had twisted her cock in a blender or something, but worse, she couldn\'t solve two simple math problems our professor, Ms. Lovelace, had assigned.

Now me, I\'m pretty deep in math, so it took me only two minutes to figure out the answers. \These problems are easy!\ I told her. \Use your balls and count \'em.\

\I can\'t!\ she said. \I think my pee worm took them over.\

\Then you\'ll just have to use your fingers!\ I suggested, what a dickfuck I thought.

\Shit! You\'re a big help! The next time I need advice, I\'ll call on my old fuck buddy, Dynamic Interchangable Conversion Key!\ he shouted.

Yeah, that DICK! So Jo Shemale was pissed. Fuck her, next time I ain\'t helping.

Well, that probably wasn\'t really true. I\'d said that before but then, like last March when it was almost spring break time that damn Ms. Lovesdick gave us our spring break reading assignments forgetting of course we\'d all be going to Florida or somewhere. Jo Shemale already had a cute thong picked out. Ms. Lovesdick gave us a really long list with something like 74 books on it to read. I know I should have started sooner, but I\'ve been having too much fun swimming and Jo Shemale had been busy sucking wieners Dick Lake but still, Jo Shemale was further behind on the assignment than I was.

I tried to help Jo Shemale with a report on \Archie Potter and the Chamber of Badgers.\ Archie Potter goes to a school called Facewarts. Instead of learning math and social studies, the students learn things like how to turn cock into pussy. And instead of getting letters through the mail, the students get their mail by bat post. Archie Potter\'s worst enemy is a tooty old wizard named Lord Voldetwatnose. Archie gets help from Lori and the mailman, who has bright black pubic hair. The three friends count on Professor Dumbledick and Professor Lovesdick, probably related to Ms. Lovesdick, who teaches History.

In \Archie Potter and the Chamber of Badgers,\ Archie has to fight an evil plot by Lord Voldetwatnose. Did Jo Shemale understand any of this. Fuck no! I ended up writing the paper for her and what thanks did I get, an old pair of crotchless panties.

I felt like throwing a live badger down Jo Shemale\'s pants at the time. Yet, it\'s hard to get upset with Jo Shemale. We\'re good friends-have been and always will be. I\'m thinking like the time me and and Jo Shemale spent an afternoon in the park together.

The day was cocksucker-so fuckin\' hot out both of us were wearing crotchless panties. In fact, I think the ones he gave me for helping out with the Archie Potter paper are the same ones he wore that day! Anyway, we\'re having a nice time and all of a sudden I found a small cock just lying on the ground.

\Have you ever seen one of these before?\ I asked Jo Shemale.

\Fortunately not one this small before,\ said Jo Shemale, giggling.

Well, we put the cock on a nearby picnic table and sat down and studied it.

\Where do you think it came from?\ asked Jo Shemale.

\I think it\'s from Back in the USSR,\ I said, laughing.

\If it is from Back in the USSR, this cock is a long way from home,\ said Jo Shemale, sounding so serious.

\Well then, I guess we don\'t know how lucky we are then!\ I said, laughing at my boner friend.

\I wonder if it\'s mouse haired.\

\It might be mouse haired. What should we do with it?\ I asked, not having a clue what she meant.

\Should we keep it?\ asked Jo Shemale.

\It probably belongs to someone. I bet the person dropped it when he got done fucking or jacking off.\

\It might belong to someone, but it could just be lost,\ said Jo Shemale. \It\'s so little, maybe we should keep it as a pacifier.\

\It would be great to have this little cock hanging around, but what if it had been your\'s and we\'d lost it? You would want it back, wouldn\'t you?\ I asked.

\I would. You\'re right. I\'m not sure why I\'d want a little dick back but let\'s drop it off at the lost and found at the police department,\ said Jo Shemale.

\That\'s a great idea. Maybe the cops can fuck with it!\

\Who knows, maybe we\'ll find another cock on the way there!\ said Jo Shemale.

\In your dreams!\

\In yours!\

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